If We
by Quadrono
Summary: Relationships aren't as clear cut as the ending would have us believe. What happens after the perfection has faded? How long before we stray outside our comfort zone and confront what lies beyond? Chapter 1: VaanPenelo for starters.


Hello everyone! Just started writing out something after finishing playing the game, not too sure where I'm going yet. The ending of FFXII was so bubblegum happy (not that it's a bad thing, but…), that I felt there must have been more to the relationships that had forged during the 120++ hours playtime it took for me to finish it. There was nothing conclusive in the ending, no real relationship between the characters… so it got me thinking. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 1: Behind the 'happily ever after'**

"Guess we've both grown up a bit,

But I have to admit,

It really still feels good,

Here by your side,

Sitting right next to you,

Just like I used to,

You know we can't deny,

No one else in our lives,

Holds a candle to you and I."

"_Lullaby_"_ – _Mariah Carey (Charmbracelet)

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Yet again, Vaan shifted.

Determined not to wake up before the sun rose, and just as determined to savor a few more moments of blissful sleep in his warm bed, he concentrated on falling asleep again. His efforts always had the opposite effect of what he intended. One can never force sleep; it only served to fight it. And in a few moments, seconds, no doubt, the banging on his door would begin. The scene that was replayed daily was so familiar that Vaan likened it to clockwork. The curtains covering the open window billowed inward, carrying a light scent of freshly baked bread, and sounds of early morning hustling that was free of the strained atmosphere that had plagued the city for almost two years during the occupation of the Achadians almost a year ago. Vaan snuggled deeper into the cocoon of blankets, sleepy and content. Rabanastre was itself again.

Penelo yawned, rubbing her eyes. Although technically an early to bed, early to rise person, she nevertheless always woke up disoriented and fumbling, unlike Vaan who when he was up, was up with a leap and bound off to clumsily start his day. The difference being when she started her day, the sun was barely up and when he started his, the sun was more than half its way to sunset. Chuckling, she yawned as she contemplated the tasks that she needed to get done for today. Early morning was the time she used to go for a light jog to the market and back for household items, and spend time with Migelo learning ropes to managing his shop when he needed her to. Afterwards, most of her afternoon was spent with Vaan, tuning the _Strahl_ and accompanying him to wherever he went to snatch some gil.

Running a soft hand through her sleep knotted hair, her stocking feet made no noise as she made her way to the washroom. Once inside, she looked thoughtfully at her reflection, wanting to see a change, any change. Physically, she could see none. As her hair was still the colour of ripe wheat and even at seventeen, the childish pinkish cheeks was still there. Once she had asked Vaan about it, but it had only made him laugh at her and ruffled her hair. Mentally, Penelo knew she was not the same ever-smiling girl who looked at life as if the only way was up, and adored Vaan with something that resembled her affections for her older brother. For starters, she was getting annoyed at Vaan for truly being like an older brother. At one time a few years back, she would have said that that was all she would have wished for, some sort of family. But now… after _that_ had happened.

Penelo sighed. All of that wasn't the case anymore. After the return of peace and sovereignty to Dalmasca, she just was not the same. And she often wondered if she was the only one who felt like someone had emptied her and stuffed her back – only with the wrong arrangement. Well, there was Vaan, who slept like there was no tomorrow, but then again, he was always the late sleeper. Even during the times when her parents were still around. And now, well…

Giving her head a hard shake as if her inner ramblings would be dispersed along with the action, Penelo quickly splashed her face with water, grabbed a towel and wiped it dry.

Back in her room, she hurriedly changed her clothes, brushed her hair and carefully braided them. Satisfied with her appearance, she gave her reflection in the mirror a light smile and went off to give a loud pounding on Vaan's bedroom door before leaving the house.

Vaan started out of his sleep. Giving a loud groan, he rolled himself over onto his stomach, and pressed a pillow over his ears. He gritted his teeth in annoyance and squeezed his eyes shut. _Penelo_, he inwardly hissed as he always did, _if you're out there by the time I get up and get to the door…_

But by the time Vaan had thrown on his pants and yanked the door open, Penelo was gone. And Vaan was always left blinking, his sleepy rage forgotten and replaced by a sense of loss, felt just by knowing that she was no longer in the same vicinity as him. It was something he'd rather not give much thought to. Dragging his feet to his bed, he flopped back on it to continue sleeping, although more often than not he would be kept awake by his inner chatter.

Anyway, later she'd be back and together they would cook up something resembling some sort of food for brunch. When it came to preparing food, neither of them could make anything mouth – watering. The food became edible for both of them only due to the fact that they would rather eat something that tasted like dirt and pretend to enjoy it than putting down the other's efforts. Vaan smiled as he remembered her face as she tried to down his spicy chocobo wings he had fried. Eyes watering and face aflame, she had told him it tasted great. Naturally he had laughed out loud at her red face and her flat – out lie and then went on to suffer his culinary talents. It became something of a contesting joke, to who could actually make a meal that was truly horrible and un-eatable, and they considered it a dare of some sort to whoever could chow whatever was cooked down with a straight face.

Cooking together had only started when Penelo had burnt her hand while helping out Vaan with maintenance of the _Strahl_. Later that evening, it had been her turn to cook and Penelo was having trouble holding the ingredients and shaking the pan with only one hand available, Vaan had gallantly volunteered to help out. That night, both of them went to bed with empty stomachs and enough confusion to last them a fortnight. Nothing was spoken of it, and neither of them ever brought up the subject of what had happened. But every time there was a meal to be made, it would always be done together.

Vaan tossed violently, twisting the light blanket around him like a cocoon and hating himself for thinking of it, of her. His confusion only deepened, and he would try harder at being what he was… before that evening.

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**Author's Note:** What I meant to satisfy my own imagination actually became a story. Now I'm left crazed with 101 things to where the story could lead. I hope you enjoyed it! Just testing the waters for FFXII. Please leave a **review**! I'm still wondering whether to curb the story to just Vaan and Penelo now, though when I started I was actually thinking of Balthier and Ashe mainly and just using V+P for an introduction. Guess I got carried away. Oh well, wouldn't hurt to take them all for a romantic ride full of drama ;) 


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